Do you struggle to set and maintain boundaries?
Not everyone deserves unlimited access to you. Your time, energy, and emotional bandwidth are finite resources.
Some individuals may consistently draw on your emotional, financial, or mental capacity without reciprocation or regard for your wellbeing. You may feel compelled to keep giving, driven by loyalty, guilt, or a desire to maintain peace. But unchecked, this pattern can lead to burnout, resentment, and a loss of self-trust.
Boundaries can become difficult to maintain, especially for individuals who are empathetic, service-oriented, and committed to provide servant leadership. It is possible to overextend yourself or compromise personal values and capacity.
Let’s start at the beginning – the 3 Cs of setting boundaries. They should be clear, concrete, and consistent.
Boundaries should not be negotiable.
According to Korn Ferry’s there are 4 Cs of managing boundaries:
- Courage – Advocate for your needs and values
- Communication – Have the hard conversations early
- Clarity – Use language that builds trust and understanding
- Consistency – Align your actions with your words
Enforcing boundaries is hard if you have a fear of conflict or disappointing others. Your own internal signals may be unclear by not knowing what your limits are until they’re crossed. You may also have been raised and been taught to be accommodating, especially in professional or family settings (cultural or relational conditioning).
How to create and enforce boundaries
1. Decide what is not negotiable
Start by identifying what drains you or makes you feel resentful. These are indicators to where boundaries are needed. Example: “I need uninterrupted time to prepare before management meetings. Last-minute changes throw me off.”
2. Use clear, green language
Boundaries don’t need to be harsh. You can be firm and warm. Instead of: “I can’t deal with this right now.” Try: “I’d love to help you, but I need to prioritise my current task. I will call you when I am done later today”
3. Say no without justifying
You don’t owe anyone a full explanation. A simple, respectful “no” is enough. “Thanks for thinking of me. I can’t do that right now.”
4. Stand firm
People may keep on asking or trying to turn your “no” into a “yes”, especially if they’re used to you being flexible. Stay consistent. “I understand this is urgent, but the best I can do is tomorrow morning.”
5. Celebrate small wins
Each time you enforce a boundary, acknowledge it. It’s a powerful act of self-respect.
Boundaries don’t compromise personal and professional relationships, they define them. I trust you will discover the power in protecting your boundaries!
Consider life coaching… contact us on marjon@skillswork.co.za | sean@skillswork.co.za
Below is a book I can recommend for further advice and insight.
